Clothes Whores

Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!

The following things come to mind--

1. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

2. Michael Keaton

3. Referees

4. Zebras

If you don't want to look like any of those things, perhaps you'd better pass on this Cynthia Rowley suit.

Six More Weeks of Winter!

Style.com proclaims "SPRING IS HERE" with their spring shopping guide despite the fact I got like 20 inches of snow dumped on my palatial estate this weekend. The spring shopping guide is full of so, so, so many unfortunate items that I am embarassed for them. So with FASHION WEEK over, it is time to make fun of the 2006 spring trendwhores over at style.com.

Fashion Week Victims: Zac Posen is a Poser

This dress is acutally quite cute without the HUGE FUCKING OSTRICH ATTACHED TO THE BOTTOM OF IT!

Zac Posen is so incredibly gay that he thinks women want to look like feather dusters.

We Interrupt Fashion Week To Bring You This Important Message

Do NOT eat Taco Bell before stepping on the red (or green?) carpet.

I am relieved that the designer of this "dress" predicted that there would need to be some air escape hatches in the ass of this "dress". That was lucky.

Fashion Week Victims: Anna Sui Scares Me

Nothing says, "You're not getting to second base!" like some steel nails lining your cleavage.

What could have possibly been the inspiration for this dress?  A bear trap?  Something awesome to wear to the next Nine Inch Nails concert? The toothy vag of she-who-cannot-be-named-here?

Fashion Week Victims: How Now Heatherette?

How in the world does Heatherette stay in business?  I mean, I know Paris Hilton buys a lot of their overpriced plastic crap but shit, even she can't keep the entire line afloat.

This dress looks like a flaming gay ostrich exploded all over this poor model.

Fashion Week Victims: Marc Jacobs Fellates Himself Again

Confession time: I actually like Marc by Marc Jacobs and bought a bunch of stuff from his last collection.

But I certainly won't be making that mistake this season.

I looks like the model is wearing pajama pants from Super WalMart and the top half of an obese British nanny's overcoat.

Fashion Week Victims: Marc Jacobs Copies Himself

Don't look so happy, MJ, your collection sucked too. 

Not just because it produced such fabulous pieces like the bulbous grape silk skirt pictured here but because it was a fucking rip off of a collection you did for Olivier Theyskens. You ripped off yourself!  What a copycat! Some of us are paying attention, buddy and remember the signature droopy leggings and belted skirts the first time you tried to thrust that crap on us

And quit staring at Karen's boobs.  She's old and pregnant and you are gay.

Fashion Week Victims: Diane von Furstenburg Mixes It Up

How many drugs do you have to take to think that this outfit goes together?

Maybe Diane von Furstenburg is going blind in her old age (likely caused by a wayward Botox shot) and can't see that this outfit looks like shit. I tried squinting real hard like an old, bitter and blind woman would to see if I could distort my vision enough to try and make this top and bottom go together Brokeback style but it just didn't work.

Oh and I am so happy that HUGE SHOULDERPADS are back!  There is nothing sexier than looking like one of Tom Brady's 5 Layers of Protection!

Fashion Week Victims: Terrible Tuleh

It looks like she is wearing a sack of puppies on each shoulder.